The next time you get a worrying or anxious thought I want you to remember D.A.D.
‘What’s DAD got to do with anything?’, I hear you say.
Remember D.A.D is a simple but highly effective technique I’ve created to help you take control and deal with all your thoughts (anxious or not).
When you appreciate that it’s you creating all your thoughts, you can take more control of them. When you take control, you’ll deal with your anxiety and stress instantly.
Because we have about 60,000 thoughts a day, you can’t control all of them – that’s impossible. But you can manage them better, and remembering D.A.D will help.
Here’s how to use the D.A.D technique.
When you have the next worrying or anxious thought stop everything that you are doing.
Sit down (if you're not sitting already), and question that worrying thought immediately.
Don't allow it to spiral out of control, and don't dwell on it.
Don't try to understand it and think deeply about what it means.
Don’t allow the usual ‘what if’ type thoughts to spiral out of control.
Simply comprehend that you’ve had the thought and take control by picking one of the three D.A.D options to manage it.
Stats tell us that most of the thoughts we have are useless, which means you should be ditching most of them. If you decide that the thought is no good for you, and its only purpose is to cause you more worry and anxiety, decide to ditch it. Let it go. Give it a gentle nudge and tell it to move on. You have the power to do that - because you're in control.
If you decide that your thought requires immediate action, don't leave the spot until you take action. Anxiety and stress are caused by feeling out of control, and taking instant action puts you in control. That action doesn't need to fix whatever it is that induced the thought - it can be something small - like making a call, sending an email or having a chat with someone. By taking action, even if it's just a small step, you're putting yourself back in control.
If it is something that can wait, write it down and go back to it. I find the easiest way to do this is using Evernote (a free app that keeps you organised). Get the thought out of your head and put it onto paper (or text) and on to your to-do list. This will release the thought and stop it from bouncing around in your head. If you have an online calendar, like Google Calendar, you can set an alarm so you can go back to it. That way you're not ignoring it or pretending that it doesn't exist (like the bill you don't want to pay). Instead, you're dealing with it at a time that is better for you.
When you manage all your thoughts (worrying or otherwise) using these three options, you'll find you manage your anxiety and stress much more effectively.
Make remembering D.A.D a habit, and with time and practice, it will stick.
This will be one of the most challenging blogs you’ll ever read when it comes to what to do about anxiety – but also the most honest and most effective.
I’ve been through fifteen years of high anxiety, and there aren’t many symptoms or experiences that you’ve been through that I haven’t experienced myself.
For all this time, I searched high and low for answers, including quick fixes, cures and magical answers. No matter how hard or how long I searched, they never came. It was only when I stopped looking for these things (when I realised they didn’t exist) that I was able to make the long-term changes that made a big difference to my life.
If you’re still looking for the quick fix, cure, or magical answer for anxiety, I completely get it. When anxiety starts to bite, what do we do - apart from panic and go into meltdown?
- Search Dr Google
- Look for help or reassurance
- Panic some more
And what do these things usually result in?
THE NEED FOR A QUICK FIX.
The desperate need to get out of mental pain means that we just want the quick fix – anything that will give us a quick way out of the pain caused by high anxiety.
If at the peak of my high anxiety you told me putting my head in a vice for two weeks would have ‘cured’ my anxiety, I probably would have given it a go!
This is great news for everybody offering a quick fix or cure for anxiety, but not so good when it comes to you finding a real solution – something that will help you create long-term sustainable positive changes.
There is only one way to deal with high anxiety.
Find the answers (that you already know) and take action on the changes that will put you in a new direction.
It’s OK to need a helping hand to rediscover what the answers are. We all need a helping hand every now and again. It’s the reason I dedicated my life to being an anxiety coach. As an anxiety coach, it’s my job to help you rediscover the answers and give you the tools you need to set your journey in a new direction.
But here’s the other crucial part to this. As well as forgetting about the idea of a quick fix (that doesn’t exist), on your new journey, you have to expect good and challenging days.
There is no switch to turn off anxiety. There is no quick fix. There is no cure or permanent elimination for something that is a perfectly natural part of who you are. That means anxiety will be with you on your journey wherever you go – and that means at times anxiety will challenge you.
You can bury your head in the sand and pretend that a cure or quick fix exists and continue looking for it, or you can start the new journey today by taking responsibility for your future and taking action on the changes you want to happen.
The answer to high anxiety isn’t a cure or elimination – it’s managing it right and regaining control. It’s getting the BALANCE right.
You have to use time in the same way anxiety grew over time. Without giving your changes time, you can’t make lasting change. Very much in the same way you can’t learn a new language in a week.
Stop going to the doctors, seeing a counsellor, picking up books, watching videos, taking courses, listening to podcasts or trying a hundred and one other different things in the hope of a quick fix, cure, or magic answer. Do all these things, but use them as the stepping-stone you need to move forward on your journey to revival. Allow them to help you gain answers, knowledge and understanding, but don’t frustrate yourself by thinking that they will offer the quick solution you’re desperate to find.
Deep down you know there is no quick fix. There will always be part of you hoping there is one – like I said – I completely get it. It’s natural for us to want to find the quickest and easiest route out of pain. But long-term sustainable change comes with time and practice. And that’s also OK – because you can start your new journey today. With your new mindset, you can make better choices, and make every day stronger than the last.
No matter how anxiety might be affecting you today, we all have an opportunity to improve our lives. Everyone can get a better quality of life.
When you’re ready, and you know that dealing with high anxiety is going to take action and a bit of work, every day will get better. You will approach anxiety differently. Instead of thinking you need the quick fix, you’ll tell yourself that anxiety is normal, and you’ll start to manage it better.
Every day your confidence will grow, and you’ll drop those useless ideas of quick fixes, cures, and magic answers. You’ll begin to enjoy the journey as much as the destination and accept the good and challenging times as part of that journey.
That’s when you know you’re on the right track.
You’ve got a job, but you want more.
More cash. More time. More freedom.
You’re fed up and don’t see the job you have as long-term - but you’re not sure what else to do.
Earning some extra income outside of your job will give you more opportunities – it could even lead to something a little more permanent – like running your own business.
Gaining an extra side income outside of your job (passive income) is the perfect solution for the extra freedom, time and money you’re looking for.
Here are fifteen ideas to get you inspired and started.
#1: Intellectual property (books/ideas)
To write a successful book, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel or come up with a unique idea. Some best-selling books are based on other people’s stories – stories that inspire and are worth writing about. You don’t need a personal story – you just need enough passion and enthusiasm to want to write about something that interests you (and will interest others). Saleability is, of course, a priority. There is little point writing a book if nobody is interested in reading it. To make your book saleable, it needs to get people’s attention and have a USP (unique selling point) – to distinguish it from all the others available.
If you write about a specific subject, a lot of the book could be made up of interviews with experts in that field. When you contact them, you might find that most experts will be more than happy to help a budding writer. The desire to help others is within all of us, so take advantage of it. They might ask to be paid – or you might be lucky and ask somebody who is happy just getting the exposure. You’ll never know until you ask! If they do want something in return, give them an incentive. If you don’t have any money, negotiate a deal with them where you’ll give them a cut of sales. If you’re going to succeed, you have to get creative. Combine your creativity with the will to succeed, and things will happen for you.
Unless you’re a best-selling author (I’m talking like Stephen King or J.K. Rowling), selling books alone won’t be enough to sustain a comfortable lifestyle – you need to know that before you grab your laptop and start tapping away. Have you ever met an author driving around in a Ferrari? No, me neither. The mental picture you have of a writer being a scruffy-looking recluse in their dressing gown is generally accurate – apart from me, of course!
Because writing a book is such a competitive space, it’s treated as such. It’s very much viewed as a privilege to get a publishing deal, which is why royalties are low. Books are a good way to get noticed and reach a wide audience (meaning they can form a strong part of your overall strategy), but they won’t support your less-stress lifestyle alone. Once you have your audience, you can add value to the time invested in writing by doing things like workshops and coaching. However, writing a book alone doesn’t guarantee attention. Unless you’re an established big name it’s very difficult for authors to get noticed, even if a world-leading publisher signs you up.
Based on the odds, writing books is a high-risk strategy. In 2013 China published 440,000 books, the USA 305,000, and the UK 184,000. That’s a lot! It seems as though it’s most people’s ambition to write a book, making it a very competitive market. And getting published is just the start. A common misconception about publishers is that they sell your books for you – they don’t! Yes, the bigger ones have sales, marketing and PR teams, but ultimately it’s up to you to sell your books.
I write because I enjoy it, and I get huge satisfaction from helping people through my writing. I’m also not afraid to take a gamble if I believe in something. I’d recommend you write (if you’re going to) for the same reasons: enjoyment and wanting to help – not for money.
I appreciate I’ve been quite negative here, but I’m being realistic about the odds. You can, of course, make your fortune by coming up with the next Harry Potter series, but the fact remains that there are lots of authors out there. Plus, writing is hard! (Well, it is for me!) Writing a decent book is very time-consuming and isn’t an easy job (which is probably why there are so many rubbish ones available). The number of times I go through each paragraph to make sure it’s right (I’m a perfectionist) is excruciating at times. But I remind myself of how many people I can help, and I carry on. It’s my passion for writing that makes all the difference for me, and it will make the difference for you, too.
If you do have a passion for writing and want to try to beat the odds, there are generally two options when deciding to write a book: (1) self-publish, and (2) write with the aim of finding an agent and getting published. More and more authors are going down the self-publishing route because it’s never been easier. Remember, a book is just a product like any other – if you believe you can sell it, you’re in business. You can be your own publisher as long as you have what it takes to sell your book.
Because the self-publishing route takes a lot of effort and time, my advice is to focus on getting published first, and if it doesn’t happen within a timescale suited to you, go down the self-publishing route. Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s incredibly competitive, and most books don’t get a deal with a publisher. Even some of the best authors of all time were rejected time and time again!
Like anything else, if you have a passion for writing and an absolute belief that you can make it happen, it will.
Similar to books, you don’t necessarily need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to products. You can either invent a product to license out, or license an existing product to sell (both options qualify as passive income).
Guilt trips. Lack of confidence. Wanting to please others.
Just a few of the reasons why we end up saying YES to doing favours, working overtime and doing things we don’t want to do – even when we know we should say NO.
You’re a nice person. Nothing wrong with that. But if you find yourself saying yes to everything you’re asked, it won’t be long before the misery kicks in.
You’ll be burnt out, depressed, skint and desperate before you know it!
Here are five things to start saying NO to more often. When you say NO to these things more often, you’ll find you’ll take back control and your life will be much more bearable.
1. Other people’s BS
People will bring you great joy. But if you let them, they’ll bring you a lot of shit too! It’s time to start saying no to their BS. If they want to bring their toxic behaviour and drama into your life, say ‘NO’. Cut it out without hesitation. Let them know that you will no longer suffer fools lightly. They’ll soon get the message, and your life will be much better off for it. The next time the gossip comes up, or somebody is chewing your ear off with negativity, cut it out.
2. Constant favours
As I mentioned - being a nice person is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do nice things. But it does put you at risk of being taken advantage of. If somebody calls you at 1 am in the morning asking you to give them a lift home from partying all night, it won’t be long before they’re calling you at 4 am. Everybody has to have boundaries, including you. The next time the call comes in, say ‘NO’. The same goes for any favours that go beyond being reasonable including giving away your two most valuable assets: your time and money.
3. Being in places you don’t want to be
Life is way too short to put up with doing things you don’t want to do, including going places you don’t want to go. I’m not talking about being ignorant or selfish. Sometimes we’ve got to do things we’re not happy with – it’s all part of having good relationships. But if you find yourself constantly being in places you don’t want to be, hanging around with people you don’t like, say ‘NO’.
4. Going to a dead-end job
If you work full-time, you’ll be spending most of your life at that job. If you absolutely hate your job with a passion, it basically means you hate your life. When it comes to work, including toxic bosses and dead-end jobs, there is always a better option. Say ‘NO’, and explore what your options are further. If you’re feeling stuck, The Less-Stress Lifestyle will help.
5. Living in the past
Living in the past is causing you serious, unnecessary stress and anxiety. I know this because when we live in the past, it’s usually because of negative reasons. If your childhood was messed up, you made a mistake, or you regret something you did, it’s time to let go of the past and say ‘NO’ to it. Move forward with the lessons you learnt, and don’t allow the past to haunt you. The trick here is to learn from the past because if you don’t, you’ll keep making the same mistakes you always have.
There’s nothing like sitting down and watching a decent film.
I like to take something away from every film I watch. I believe there is a message, hidden or otherwise, in all decent films.
If you haven’t switched the film off in the first few minutes because it’s rubbish, you’ll get something out of it. A lot of what you get depends on your mood, how you feel at the time, and what you’re looking for.
Here’s what I learnt from my top five films (in order of my favourite first).
#1 – The Matrix
What is there not to love about The Matrix? Putting aside all the Kung Fu and bullet dodging (which, don’t get me wrong, is brilliant), there is a serious message going on. For me, that message is quite simply: Wake the f*ck up! You are part of a system. If you allow that system to control you, it will. If you don’t take control of your life, you will drift. You will just survive, rather than thrive. To make changes in your life, you have to get educated and become aware. If you want improvements in your lifestyle, begin by getting educated. You can have more if you want it, but first, you have to wake up.
#2 – Terminator 2
I’ll also include the first Terminator film here. (Terminator 3 – not your best one, Arnie.) With the rise of AI (Artificial Intelligence), who knows – the machines may well take over one day. But that’s not the defining message I got from the film. The message I got is about dealing with toxic people. This is what Kyle Reese says when he’s warning Sarah Connor about the Terminator: ‘Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop.’ Some toxic people in life are the same, and you should avoid them just as much as you would the Terminator.
#3 – The Wolf of Wall Street
Leonardo DiCaprio does an amazing job of playing a hedonistic drug addict. His outstanding performance is equalled by how good the film is. Anyhow – I’m not writing a film review – so back to the message. The Wolf of Wall Street perfectly sums up the fact that money will only ever get you so far. It’s a short-term view to think you can do what the hell you like for a few years and not have any consequences. At the risk of sounding like a complete killjoy, most things in life are OK in moderation, but what you’re doing today is shaping your future. As well as thinking about what you’re going to do today, start planning for the next five years. Otherwise, the future might not be so bright.
#4 – Catch Me If You Can
Another Leonardo DiCaprio film on my list – and what a cracker it is. Frank Abagnale (the con man Leonardo plays) fooled everybody – to the point of becoming a fake co-pilot, lawyer and doctor – all before his 18th birthday! (This is a true story!) The message? For me, a positive one. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Do you think Frank cared about the fact he might get rejected? Do you think he allowed the fear of people to hold him back? Not in the slightest. Although a lot of what he did was immoral, there’s a lot to be learnt and admired from what he did. The level of freedom you can get from not caring about what people think is immense. It helps you achieve pretty much anything you want, as demonstrated perfectly by Frank Abagnale.
#5 – Drop Dead Fred
I grew up as a Rik Mayall (Bottom) addict. He made me cackle just as much in Drop Dead Fred when he played an imaginary childhood friend to a miserable kid. Part of her misery was her control freak, OCD led mother, who was affectionately known as ‘The Megabeast’. So the first lesson – if you’re a parent putting too much pressure on your kids, you might also have an interesting nickname. The second lesson from the film is not to let the kid in you die. Life is serious enough. Don’t ever forget your humour. It shouldn’t take an imaginary friend you had as a kid to come back into your adult life to remind you. You can start having more fun today. It is a choice, and you don’t have to wait. What would the kid inside you do? Sometimes it’s worth paying attention to him or her – especially when anxiety and stress is biting.
If you want to know your future, I can read it for you.
I don’t need a crystal ball, and you don’t need to cross my palm with silver.
I’ll give you your reading absolutely free – and I don’t even need to meet you!
All you need to do is take a look at what you’re doing right now.
Here are some questions to get you started.
Are you growing?
If you’re not growing emotionally, physically, financially and mentally, you’re not evolving. Life is about growth, and you’re either growing or dying.
What are you eating?
You are what you eat – now and in the future. What you’re putting in your mouth today is not only affecting how you feel today but also in the future.
How often do you exercise?
If you don’t feel physically good today, you won’t tomorrow – unless you change your pattern and routine.
How much do you like / dislike your job?
How you feel about your job or career won’t change unless you change it. The career decisions you make today are shaping your future career.
How many hobbies do you have?
Life is about balance. If you’re not taking enough time for yourself, including having hobbies, you’ll feel the stress later down the line.
How much free time do you have?
Do you have enough time for yourself and your family? If you don’t, why not? Unless you begin to change that pattern, it won’t change in the future.
What are the people in your life like?
You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. They are a heavy influence on who you are today, and who you will be in the future.
Do you love your partner?
If you don’t, why not? Can it be fixed? If you don’t believe it can be fixed, how does that impact on your future self?
What are the relationships like in your life?
Do the people around you help you grow, or make you miserable? That won’t change in the future unless you change it.
Do you read books or listen to audiobooks?
Books and learning are one of your biggest sources of growth. What you’re feeding your brain today will influence what you say and do tomorrow.
How much time do you take to educate yourself?
Imagine how much smarter you’ll be in five years if you take the time to educate yourself today. Imagine the amount of growth you’ll miss out on if you don’t make learning a priority.
Do you invest your money, or spend it?
If you’ve got more money going out than you’ve got coming in, it won’t be long before the debt piles up. How will that debt look in six months, a year, or ten years?
Reading your future is easy. You just have to look at what you’re doing today.
When stress mounts up, it feels like a never-ending flow of one problem after the other!
If it’s allowed to, stress continues to grow until it gets to a point where we feel like we can’t cope. That’s when we walk around feeling as though a ton of bricks is on our back.
It doesn’t matter who you are. Nobody is immune to stress - no matter how strong, organised or capable you think you are.
Stress can hit anybody at any time.
Here are three things you can do to immediately stop the flow of stress pouring in – and protect yourself against it better in the future.
1. Take immediate control
We get stressed when we feel out of control. As soon as we feel like we’ve taken back control, the feeling of stress and anxiety subsides. That’s why taking immediate control of whatever it is causing you stress is the best way to deal with it. It’s also the reason why stress will quickly get out of control if you let it. Don’t sweep your problems under the rug. Those bills you put in the drawer aren’t going anywhere. Although you might get some short-term relief by pretending your problems don’t exist, the long-term effects are potentially a lot worse. A lot of stress and anxiety can be avoided when we get brave and deal with our challenges head-on by taking immediate control.
2. Break it down
The quickest way to deal with any problem is to break it down. When a giant problem hits your desk, your doormat or your phone, it will feel daunting. You’ll think to yourself: ‘How the hell am I going to manage this!’ By focusing on the BIG problem or challenge at hand, you’ll convince yourself that it’s impossible – and that’s when we feel like we can’t cope. Forget about the BIG issue for now. Instead, break whatever it is you need to do down into small pieces. Think about the next small step that you can take, and focus on that. When you get that done, you’ll go onto the next thing, and then the next – and like a snowball effect, your challenge is getting easier at every step – until you look back and all of a sudden, it’s done.
3. Stay on top
‘Staying on top of things’ is a commonly used saying, but have you stopped and thought about why we say it? What comes to mind when you think about being on top of things? It feels like you’re in control and dominant, doesn’t it? Imagine feeling like this from this moment forward. Imagine a life where you knew you could handle anything that came your way. The truth is, there is only one thing stopping you from feeling like this, and that is you. In other words, you can decide from this moment forward that you can handle anything that comes your way – and there is no reason why it’s not the truth. You’ve got through 100% of your challenges and problems so far, so what’s stopping you from knowing you can get through 100% more? Keep reinforcing this knowledge and belief, and you’ll stay on top.
A few days a go I was a pilot for the day and flew a small aeroplane. (The headphones give it away, right?)
It was only a few years previous that I wasn’t able to leave my home.
I also had a lifelong fear of heights – and there I was – 3000 feet up in the air, controls in my hand, with the Silverstone race track underneath me looking as small as a toy Scalextric track!
So, how did I do it?
How did I look at the small plane, barely big enough to hold two people, and pluck up the courage to get in it and hit the skies?
I USED A TRICK.
It wasn’t simple, but I use this trick for all things that take me out of my comfort zone and crush my fears.
It’s the same trick I used to help me get through the tough times when anxiety was biting hard – basic things, from leaving my house, to the bolder things, like standing on stage in front of hundreds of people.
This same trick can help you break through your comfort zone, overcome your fears and achieve things you never thought possible.
The method works by tricking your subconscious mind. When you feed your mind with images and scenarios, and you keep doing it, over and over again, it can’t distinguish these thoughts with what is real.
That’s what makes this trick so effective. You can literally imagine and think up anything you like. You can simply do and be anything you want.
Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.
Here’s how to use this simple but highly effective trick in three steps.
Think about something you want to do. Something you’ve wanted to do for some time, but you haven’t quite plucked up the courage to do it. Some common examples are public speaking, asking somebody out on a date, or asking your boss for a promotion or pay rise at work. It can be as big or small as you like.
Find somewhere quiet and close your eyes. Replay you doing what it is you want to do in your mind, over and over again. Picture yourself doing it perfectly. Speak the words you would say. Imagine the setting in as much detail as you can, as vividly as you can. This step is as good as practising it for real, because like I mentioned, your subconscious mind can’t distinguish between what is real and what you’re telling it is real. The more times you can do this step the better.
Go and do it. Don’t pretend that you won’t feel any fear because you will. You need to feel nervous and have adrenaline to help you achieve what it is you want. Without nerves and adrenaline, you’re not human. The trick is to accept them and use them to your advantage. Don’t fight them, but embrace them. By doing the first two steps beforehand, you’ve made the task of doing what is it you want to do 100% easier. You’ve also increased your chances of doing it by 100%.
Keep listening to my podcast on ‘how big is your comfort zone?’ to help you with this trick, including breaking through your fears and achieving the things you’ve always wanted to do.
Listen To The New Carl Vernon Podcast: Talking About All Things Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing
I’m excited to share my new podcast with you – a new way for us to connect.
I love podcasts and use them a lot myself.
It’s not always easy reading a book or watching a video, and podcasts are perfect for when you’re on the go.
You can listen in the car, at the gym, going for a walk, at work – anywhere you can put your headphones in!
In this first podcast, we’re going BIG by covering the two biggest subjects.
I’m talking about my DP Rule, and how it can help you overcome your fears.
If you’ve read Anxiety Rebalance, you’ll most likely know about the DP Rule, and in this podcast, I wanted to give you a little more insight into how it helped me deal with my fears and overcome anxiety.
You can listen to it directly from here on SoundCloud. Or if you’re a proper podcaster (if that’s the proper term?) you can listen from iTunes and subscribe to my podcast on there – the link is below at the bottom of this post.
My aim is to get at least a new podcast out every week, and I’ll be covering lots of exciting subjects – everything to do with anxiety, stress, success and wellbeing – to help you break out of your comfort zone, make positive changes, and improve your lifestyle for the better.
Be sure to subscribe on iTunes, so you don’t miss out on future podcasts – click the logo below to go to my podcast and subscribe.
If you like what you hear, don’t forget to rate and review.
Thank you for taking the time to listen, and along with my other stuff, I hope my podcast helps you on your journey!
All the very best,
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among young people being bullied.
But it’s not just young people being affected by bullying. Bullying takes shape in all areas of life, and it’s just as likely to affect adults at work or home, as it is at school, university or college.
When we think of bullying, we also tend to think of being physically abused. But most of today’s bullies exist in the mind. These types of bullies and trolls are the emotional manipulators and mental abusers who use intimidation through their words and mind games.
It doesn’t matter who you are - we’ve all fallen victim to a bully. I have no shame in including myself in this. I’ve experienced bullying in many different forms throughout my life. There are lots of unhappy and toxic people out there, so bullying will always be part of life.
With the power of social media, bullying is now just a click away, and unless you go and live a solitary life somewhere in the hills, there’s no getting away from it. That’s why rather than try to pretend bullies don’t exist we need the mental armour to deal with them.
Here are five ways to do it.
1. Don’t play a bullies game
To most bullies and toxic people, bullying is a game to them. The specific aim of a bully is to get a reaction from you, usually by frightening and intimidating you. The simplest way to stop this from happening is to not play their game. Starve them of the one thing fuelling their behaviour: your attention. When there is no fuel to stoke the fire, it will burn out. Bullies operate on a low conscious level; so don’t try to understand why they do what they do. Just move on because you are the smarter and more conscious human being.
2. Know your inner strength
When we get bullied, we go into child mode, and that puts us in a vulnerable state of mind. It makes us feel anxious and stressed, and like we have no power. This is bullsh*t, and part of the lies the bullies will have us believe. You have more inner strength than you know. That doesn’t mean you have to go out and learn karate (unless you want to). Inner strength is exactly that – the mental capacity to make a decision and take responsibility for it. If you decide something isn’t going to happen anymore, it’s up to you to follow up on that decision and take action. A strong mental decision starts by knowing you can handle anything that comes your way.
3. Set your personal boundaries
If you’re a good person, people will come along and try to take advantage of that. That’s just life. There are lots of toxic people out there who are waiting to pounce on what they believe to be suckers. Setting personal boundaries could be something as simple as saying ‘no’. I don’t buy that, so ‘no’. Everybody has this power, including you. It might take a little time and practice, but keep at it, and you’ll find saying ‘no’ becomes much easier.
4. Don’t try to control somebody else and their actions
You’ll never be able to completely control somebody else and their actions, so don’t try. It’s only going to cause you stress and anxiety. The only thing you can control is you and your actions, so focus on that. If somebody chooses to bully you, focus on what you can do about it, rather than trying to control and predict the bully. There is much more power in that.
5. Always know you have a choice
If there is one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: a bully doesn’t exist unless you allow it to exist. In other words, it’s your fear that is the real bully, and that means you have a choice. It might not feel like it, but it’s true, and sometimes it takes a little time for you to appreciate this fact. Nobody said dealing with a bully would be easy, but you deserve more. Make the right choice, because you do have a choice.
ANXIETY REBALANCE COURSE
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