Listen To The New Carl Vernon Podcast: Talking About All Things Anxiety, Stress, Success & Wellbeing
I’m excited to share my new podcast with you – a new way for us to connect.
I love podcasts and use them a lot myself.
It’s not always easy reading a book or watching a video, and podcasts are perfect for when you’re on the go.
You can listen in the car, at the gym, going for a walk, at work – anywhere you can put your headphones in!
In this first podcast, we’re going BIG by covering the two biggest subjects.
I’m talking about my DP Rule, and how it can help you overcome your fears.
If you’ve read Anxiety Rebalance, you’ll most likely know about the DP Rule, and in this podcast, I wanted to give you a little more insight into how it helped me deal with my fears and overcome anxiety.
You can listen to it directly from here on SoundCloud. Or if you’re a proper podcaster (if that’s the proper term?) you can listen from iTunes and subscribe to my podcast on there – the link is below at the bottom of this post.
My aim is to get at least a new podcast out every week, and I’ll be covering lots of exciting subjects – everything to do with anxiety, stress, success and wellbeing – to help you break out of your comfort zone, make positive changes, and improve your lifestyle for the better.
Be sure to subscribe on iTunes, so you don’t miss out on future podcasts – click the logo below to go to my podcast and subscribe.
If you like what you hear, don’t forget to rate and review.
Thank you for taking the time to listen, and along with my other stuff, I hope my podcast helps you on your journey!
All the very best,
Have you noticed how happy people are rarely sick, and how stressed and miserable people tend to get sick all the time?
I know I can relate to this.
When I was anxiety-ridden, stressed-out and miserable, I was ill, all the time.
If it weren’t a headache, or cold, or neck ache, or tonsillitis (or the other hundred anxiety and stress related symptoms), it would always be something else attacking me.
My immune system felt non-existent, and it didn’t take much to make me bedbound.
It’s now been a while since the last time I was ill, and I can pinpoint it back to about the time I started to sort my lifestyle out.
If I’d have continued living the type of lifestyle I was, including working every hour under the sun in a job I hated, I have no doubt I would be dealing with the same issues of being constantly ill.
How you feel mentally directly affects how you feel physically, and here’s the proof.
Norman Cousins was an American Journalist who wrote a book called Anatomy of an Illness.
After being diagnosed with a debilitating illness, doctors told him they couldn’t help him, and that he would live in pain for the rest of his life.
Norman checked into a hotel and rented every funny movie he could find, watching them over and over again, laughing hysterically at each one.
After six months of his self-diagnosed laughter therapy, doctors were amazed to see that his disease had completely gone.
This is an incredible example of how we feel mentally directly affects how we feel physically. But it’s also a significant example of why we shouldn’t forget to laugh.
DON”T FORGET TO GET YOUR DAILY DOSE OF ENDORPHINS
Endorphins are the chemicals released into your body when you laugh.
Research has shown they have a similar composition to morphine and heroin, and they help to build your immune system – you just heard how good they were for Norman.
Life, with all its stresses, puts us in serious mode, and unless you’re a natural at tapping into happiness (and most of us aren’t), you won’t be getting the regular endorphin hit that is so good for you.
Even if it’s just five minutes a day, put on a comedy or watch your favourite comedian.
Get the daily dose of endorphins your body craves and deserves.
The Office (UK) is my usual stop-off if I want a good chuckle.
Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among young people being bullied.
But it’s not just young people being affected by bullying. Bullying takes shape in all areas of life, and it’s just as likely to affect adults at work or home, as it is at school, university or college.
When we think of bullying, we also tend to think of being physically abused. But most of today’s bullies exist in the mind. These types of bullies and trolls are the emotional manipulators and mental abusers who use intimidation through their words and mind games.
It doesn’t matter who you are - we’ve all fallen victim to a bully. I have no shame in including myself in this. I’ve experienced bullying in many different forms throughout my life. There are lots of unhappy and toxic people out there, so bullying will always be part of life.
With the power of social media, bullying is now just a click away, and unless you go and live a solitary life somewhere in the hills, there’s no getting away from it. That’s why rather than try to pretend bullies don’t exist we need the mental armour to deal with them.
Here are five ways to do it.
1. Don’t play a bullies game
To most bullies and toxic people, bullying is a game to them. The specific aim of a bully is to get a reaction from you, usually by frightening and intimidating you. The simplest way to stop this from happening is to not play their game. Starve them of the one thing fuelling their behaviour: your attention. When there is no fuel to stoke the fire, it will burn out. Bullies operate on a low conscious level; so don’t try to understand why they do what they do. Just move on because you are the smarter and more conscious human being.
2. Know your inner strength
When we get bullied, we go into child mode, and that puts us in a vulnerable state of mind. It makes us feel anxious and stressed, and like we have no power. This is bullsh*t, and part of the lies the bullies will have us believe. You have more inner strength than you know. That doesn’t mean you have to go out and learn karate (unless you want to). Inner strength is exactly that – the mental capacity to make a decision and take responsibility for it. If you decide something isn’t going to happen anymore, it’s up to you to follow up on that decision and take action. A strong mental decision starts by knowing you can handle anything that comes your way.
3. Set your personal boundaries
If you’re a good person, people will come along and try to take advantage of that. That’s just life. There are lots of toxic people out there who are waiting to pounce on what they believe to be suckers. Setting personal boundaries could be something as simple as saying ‘no’. I don’t buy that, so ‘no’. Everybody has this power, including you. It might take a little time and practice, but keep at it, and you’ll find saying ‘no’ becomes much easier.
4. Don’t try to control somebody else and their actions
You’ll never be able to completely control somebody else and their actions, so don’t try. It’s only going to cause you stress and anxiety. The only thing you can control is you and your actions, so focus on that. If somebody chooses to bully you, focus on what you can do about it, rather than trying to control and predict the bully. There is much more power in that.
5. Always know you have a choice
If there is one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: a bully doesn’t exist unless you allow it to exist. In other words, it’s your fear that is the real bully, and that means you have a choice. It might not feel like it, but it’s true, and sometimes it takes a little time for you to appreciate this fact. Nobody said dealing with a bully would be easy, but you deserve more. Make the right choice, because you do have a choice.
One of my favourite quotes is from George Adair.
‘Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.’
I like it because it’s so true.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear, and to get what you want, you have to break through your fear.
You can also call fear anxiety, apprehension, or worry if you like. It links to everything we do, including what, where, when, and how we do things.
Fear can either push you to achieve things you never thought possible, or keep you frozen to the same spot.
Maybe you’ve got a big goal in mind, like overcoming agoraphobia, social anxiety, health anxiety, or you want to be able to get a plane? Or maybe you just want to ask somebody out on a date?
Using this three-step simple technique, it will help you breakthrough your fears, so you can start moving forward in a positive direction.
1. The Upside vs the Downside
Think about the goal you want to achieve – something you’ve been fearful of doing. Now, out of 10 (ten being the worst thing that can happen), rate the downside of you trying it and it not working. Let’s say, for this example, it’s a 5. Now, rate the upside of you doing it and it working. It’s a 10/10, right? Rate the upside against the downside, and if the upside outweighs the downside, go for it!
2. Pain and Pleasure
We do things to either get pleasure or to avoid pain. Avoiding pain is where the power lies, because we’re much more likely to do something to avoid pain. That’s why I want you to think about what your life would look like in five years if you didn’t overcome your fear. What would it mean to you? How would you feel? Now think about the pleasure it would bring to your life if you overcame the fear. What difference would it make to your life? How different would your life be?
3. I’m Excited!
There is an emotion that shares the same feelings we get when we’re anxious. You probably guessed it from the title. Being excited is the same as being anxious. We get an adrenaline rush when both of these things happen. Next time you get anxious or scared, I want you to tell yourself: ‘I’m excited!’. It’s much easier to transform anxiety, fear and panic into excitement compared to calmness because being calm is the opposite feeling. So, the next time you’re faced with a challenge, tell yourself: ‘I’m excited!’. This will be the final hurdle to help you push past your fear.
Go make it happen.
If things aren’t changing for you, it’s because they don’t have to.
Change only comes about when something has to happen.
If you smoke, and the doctor tells you if you keep smoking you only have a few months to live, you’ll crush those remaining cigarettes in your hand and throw them in the trash (if your health means something to you).
We’re driven by our greatest fears, or our ‘have tos’, as I call them. They are dictating what, where, when, and how you’re doing things.
If you’re more scared of your boss than you are of not paying the bills, you won’t go to work. But if not going to work means you’ll become homeless and won’t be able to feed your family, you’ll go to work.
There is a power behind your have tos, and you can use it to make significant changes in your life, like overcoming anxiety.
I activate my have tos by following these three steps:
1. Decide why
If you don’t have a good enough reason ‘why?’ you simply won’t do it. That’s why the first step is to understand why you’re doing it. What is the reason for the change? Your family, your health, your happiness?
2. Clear the path
If one of your goals is to break the pattern of anxiety and depression, but somebody is tucking you into bed when you don’t want to get out of it, nothing will change. You don’t have to get out of bed, so you won’t. Willpower is overrated so don’t depend on it. Depend on your ‘have to’ mentality instead.
3. Limit your options
Getting into a ‘have to’ mentality requires focus, and having too many options on the table will seriously affect your focus. It will take you to the ‘maybe middle ground’, and that’s not where you want to be. Get laser-like focused on what it is you want, and stick to that. Are things guaranteed to go right if you do that? Of course not. But that doesn’t matter, as long as you’re going in the direction you want.
By taking these three steps, you’ll put yourself in the very best place to get things done and take action. That’s when you know things are really changing.
Make ‘have to’ your mantra.
There is little point going into a social situation with a long list of things that are going to make you more confident.
Focus on one or two, because that really is all you need.
Here are three. Take your pick, but if you pick any one of them, I would go for the last one. It really is the key to dealing with social anxiety.
1. Ask questions
In any conversation, the person asking the questions is the one in control. This is a great way to build your confidence, so get practising asking questions.
2. Everybody is human
When you get socially anxious, it’s easy to focus on yourself, but if you’re feeling nervous it’s highly likely other people are too.
3. Don’t care
Everybody gets judged. They do it - you do it - everybody does it. It’s time to accept this fact and not care so much about what other people think.
The worst time of my life was waking up in the morning without any direction.
An instant feeling of dread would hit me, and because I had no focus, the horrible feeling continued throughout the day.
It was only when I set clear goals (and took action on those goals) that things began to change.
My goals gave my life meaning and purpose.
Instead of anxiety being my focus, my goals were my focus.
Anxiety naturally came as part of the package, but with a BIG difference – it wasn’t my sole focus. It did its job properly, rather than dominate my life.
Without purpose, anxiety will hit you hard by feeding off your lack of direction.
Your mind becomes a breeding ground for anxious thoughts, and when you have nothing to focus on or strive for, anxiety quickly takes over.
You need to know where you’re heading in life; otherwise, you risk being taken over by high anxiety.
You wouldn’t get in a car without a destination in mind, so don’t do the same thing with your life.
Know where you’re heading by setting clear goals. Or, at the very least, have a good idea what your day looks like when you get out of bed.
Start finding your purpose by setting clear goals today, and you will wake up with a very different frame of mind.
I always compare panic attacks to bullies.
What does a bully thrive on? Attention, right?
Without attention, a bully doesn’t have anything to work with.
There is no fuel to stoke the fire.
When you start dealing with panic attacks in the same way, they will move on.
If you stop giving panic attacks the attention they crave, there won’t be anything fuelling their behaviour.
It’s up to you how long a panic attack lasts, or whether it begins at all.
Remember – it’s you that holds the power.
The Less-Stress Lifestyle is now ready for your eyes (or ears, if you prefer audio).
I wrote this book to put out a strong message.
In short, that message is you don’t have to put up with being miserable and stressed. You have more options than you think you have now, and even the smallest change can make a big difference.
To give you a peek into what you can expect, here are fifteen things you can do to create a less-stress lifestyle - these have been recently featured in GQ Magazine, The Mirror, The Sunday Mail, and Woman's Own.
If you want to know where you’ll be in the next three years, you only need to take a look at what you’re doing right now. No crystal ball required.
Put simply - your environment is dictating and shaping your future. That’s why you need to start paying attention to what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.
Learning to manage your environment is essential if you want to improve your lifestyle and deal with your anxiety and stress better. Here are five ways you can start doing it from today.
The best way to connect with Carl and join the discussion is on his Facebook page