You’ve already been told the usual advice when it comes to dealing with anxiety – to the point you’ve become bored of hearing about
Sorting your diet out
Admittedly, as your Anxiety Coach, I’ll have you doing some of these things, and they’re given as regular advice for a sound reason. But to shake things up a little, I also want to give you some different, radical ideas to help you reduce your anxiety – things you might not have thought about doing previously.
I noticed a while ago that if I wanted something different, I had to do something different.
Some of these ideas might sound a little radical, and could even raise an eyebrow, but that’s exactly the point.
The more different and radical the idea, the quicker the change and reduction in anxiety could happen.
Suggestion 1: Quit TV for a week
How radical is that? The idea of no TV for a week! To most of us, this sounds as crazy as it gets. This is exactly why I want you to consider doing it. If you want something new, you have to try something different, and cutting off the TV supply is something very different for most of us. Before you tell me this is impossible, I’m not asking you to do anything I haven’t done myself. I cut TV out for a week, and I haven’t looked back since. I went from a TV addict to someone who will watch a bit of Netflix every now and again. Why did it work? Think about how much anxiety TV might be causing you. Adverts constantly telling us how to look and act. The news repetitively telling us what a f’ed up world we live in. Reality TV making us feel inferior. By the time you’ve flicked through those hundred pointless channels, it’s time to go to bed and start the same pattern over and over again. Quit TV for a bit, and you might find it gives you the time to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.
Suggestion 2: Stop watching the news
As I just mentioned, the news has a great knack of repeatedly reminding us of how f’ed up the world is. Do we need a constant reminder? I’m not saying bury your head in the sand, but if you keep feeding your mind with negativity, it will fuel your anxiety. The news is widely accessible, and with your phone, it’s constantly in your pocket. Come away from looking at it, and see how you feel. If you need to know something, you’ll know it.
Suggestion 3: Stop giving your anxiety excuses
Giving something a reason to exist, including high anxiety, will give it life. Excuses will provide all the fuel your high anxiety will ever need to not only survive but also thrive. It’s the weather. It’s my job. It’s my boss. Anxiety runs in my family. It’s my partner. It’s my kids! The list can go on as much as you want. If you want to reduce your high anxiety, the excuses need to stop. It’s time to take 100% responsibility. Anxiety won’t like it – it doesn’t like it when you take responsibility. That might mean more anxiety. But until you step forward and take responsibility, nothing will change. Stop the excuses, and you’ll stop stoking the fire.
Suggestion 4: Come away from support groups
I don’t offer a support group for good reason. I’ve not had positive experiences with them, and the same goes for a lot of the people I speak to daily. Support groups are there for good intention, but they can easily create bad feeling and more anxiety – sometimes unintentionally. We all need support, but we need it in a way that provides us with the positivity and focus we need to move forward – the reason why my programme has a unique buddying system that does exactly that.
Suggestion 5: Cut down your social media use
Notice I say ‘cut down’ here, rather than stop. For 99.9% of us, not using social media is like not eating. If I asked you to stop using social media, I know it would be like asking you to lose a limb. So let’s be realistic. In lots of recent surveys and studies, the use of social media has been shown to increase anxiety. It’s little wonder when all you see is the highlights. When you’re sitting there chained to your desk at work, and you’re looking at pictures of your friends partying, it has a habit of rapidly producing resent, anger, and jealousy – and in turn, lots of anxiety. Top this off with no likes or comments on your posts, and you’ve got yourself a proper pity party. Put the phone down. Shut the laptop. Pick up a book. Go for a walk. Have a real conversation. Do these things without worrying about sharing everything you do to get approval from others. The feeling of freedom you get might be the anxiety-buster you’re looking for.
These five ideas may be radically different to what you’ve considered previously. But like I said, if you want some big changes, including big reductions in your anxiety, you’ve got to do something you haven’t done before.
Why not give them a go? What have you got to lose?
This will be one of the most challenging blogs you’ll ever read when it comes to what to do about anxiety – but also the most honest and most effective.
I’ve been through fifteen years of high anxiety, and there aren’t many symptoms or experiences that you’ve been through that I haven’t experienced myself.
For all this time, I searched high and low for answers, including quick fixes, cures and magical answers. No matter how hard or how long I searched, they never came. It was only when I stopped looking for these things (when I realised they didn’t exist) that I was able to make the long-term changes that made a big difference to my life.
If you’re still looking for the quick fix, cure, or magical answer for anxiety, I completely get it. When anxiety starts to bite, what do we do - apart from panic and go into meltdown?
- Search Dr Google
- Look for help or reassurance
- Panic some more
And what do these things usually result in?
THE NEED FOR A QUICK FIX.
The desperate need to get out of mental pain means that we just want the quick fix – anything that will give us a quick way out of the pain caused by high anxiety.
If at the peak of my high anxiety you told me putting my head in a vice for two weeks would have ‘cured’ my anxiety, I probably would have given it a go!
This is great news for everybody offering a quick fix or cure for anxiety, but not so good when it comes to you finding a real solution – something that will help you create long-term sustainable positive changes.
There is only one way to deal with high anxiety.
Find the answers (that you already know) and take action on the changes that will put you in a new direction.
It’s OK to need a helping hand to rediscover what the answers are. We all need a helping hand every now and again. It’s the reason I dedicated my life to being an anxiety coach. As an anxiety coach, it’s my job to help you rediscover the answers and give you the tools you need to set your journey in a new direction.
But here’s the other crucial part to this. As well as forgetting about the idea of a quick fix (that doesn’t exist), on your new journey, you have to expect good and challenging days.
There is no switch to turn off anxiety. There is no quick fix. There is no cure or permanent elimination for something that is a perfectly natural part of who you are. That means anxiety will be with you on your journey wherever you go – and that means at times anxiety will challenge you.
You can bury your head in the sand and pretend that a cure or quick fix exists and continue looking for it, or you can start the new journey today by taking responsibility for your future and taking action on the changes you want to happen.
The answer to high anxiety isn’t a cure or elimination – it’s managing it right and regaining control. It’s getting the BALANCE right.
You have to use time in the same way anxiety grew over time. Without giving your changes time, you can’t make lasting change. Very much in the same way you can’t learn a new language in a week.
Stop going to the doctors, seeing a counsellor, picking up books, watching videos, taking courses, listening to podcasts or trying a hundred and one other different things in the hope of a quick fix, cure, or magic answer. Do all these things, but use them as the stepping-stone you need to move forward on your journey to revival. Allow them to help you gain answers, knowledge and understanding, but don’t frustrate yourself by thinking that they will offer the quick solution you’re desperate to find.
Deep down you know there is no quick fix. There will always be part of you hoping there is one – like I said – I completely get it. It’s natural for us to want to find the quickest and easiest route out of pain. But long-term sustainable change comes with time and practice. And that’s also OK – because you can start your new journey today. With your new mindset, you can make better choices, and make every day stronger than the last.
No matter how anxiety might be affecting you today, we all have an opportunity to improve our lives. Everyone can get a better quality of life.
When you’re ready, and you know that dealing with high anxiety is going to take action and a bit of work, every day will get better. You will approach anxiety differently. Instead of thinking you need the quick fix, you’ll tell yourself that anxiety is normal, and you’ll start to manage it better.
Every day your confidence will grow, and you’ll drop those useless ideas of quick fixes, cures, and magic answers. You’ll begin to enjoy the journey as much as the destination and accept the good and challenging times as part of that journey.
That’s when you know you’re on the right track.
There is no cure for anxiety. We all have anxiety; it’s just that some of us deal with higher than NORMAL levels of anxiety on a regular enough basis that it causes a problem.
When you allow your mind to get caught up in the ‘what if’ thoughts, the fear spirals out of control, and the anxiety grows. The only way out of this cycle of fear and anxiety is to throw a big spanner into it – to stop it from turning.
When the cogs stop turning, you’ll get yourself back to a place where you can begin to think rationally again. The anxiety (and fear) will subside, and you’ll go back to living with NORMAL levels of anxiety.
The next time your thoughts begin to spiral out of control, and you feel anxiety starting to bite, take these actions to deal with your anxiety instantly.
Controlling Anxiety Symptoms
Anxiety symptoms are vast and are different for us all. But there will be one or two that are consistent for you. These anxiety-related symptoms will be the root cause of why your anxiety spins out of control. When you begin to control and recognise what these anxiety-related symptoms are, you’ll start to feel more in control – and that is the immediate aim. Anxiety grows when you feel out of control. The more control we can get, the less anxiety will affect you.
FIRST ACTION: Accept the anxiety-related symptoms and feelings
Stop fighting the anxiety-related symptoms. It’s a battle you’ll never win. Instead, accept the feelings. As you feel them, tell yourself: ‘I know this is anxiety, and it’s OK. These symptoms have never harmed me, and they won’t harm me now. This is just my body reacting to a thought I’ve had. It will pass.’ Allow the feelings to pass through your body, and when you don’t fight them, you’ll notice they move on much quicker. By fighting, you’re holding onto the symptoms. By allowing them to pass, you’re letting them go.
SECOND ACTION: Don’t stay still and do something different
When you sit in the same spot, your focus is on being anxious. You’re going to get more of whatever it is you focus on. You need to direct your focus to something that will help your anxiety pass. That’s why going for a walk, or doing some other form of physical activity, is a good idea. You might not feel like doing it, and your mind might be telling you to sit still and be a victim to the symptoms, but doing something you don’t feel like doing is exactly what you have to do - if you want to feel different. When you feel anxiety starting to bite, don’t sit still. Immediately get up, and go do something you wouldn’t normally do. Break the pattern and do something different.
THIRD ACTION: Repeat actions one and two, and be consistent
The way you’re dealing with anxiety right now is based on habit. When anxiety bites, you’ll naturally want to go into the same pattern of behaviour you always have. But if this reaction to anxiety hasn’t been working, you have to do something different to get a different result. Otherwise, nothing will change. Anxiety will continue to have the grip on you it always has. Start acting differently, and form a new habit. With time, practice, and continual repetition of actions one and two, you will form new behaviours that will work for you. You will become a different person – a person who handles anxiety when it bites and doesn’t fall victim to it.
At that moment, when panic attacks, you have a number of choices.
Choice #1: Fuel the fear and run
Drop everything. Throw the shopping basket on the floor, and run for your life. Keep moving forward - run, walk, jog – do anything, as long as people can’t see the sweat on your forehead and the panic on your face as you have a panic attack. That would cause you great embarrassment, and what people think matters. React to the panic with more panic. Stoke the fire with fuel (the fuel being fear). Like a steam train, watch as your panic keeps chugging away and continues to get worse as you continue to stoke the fire.
Choice #2: Question your sanity
Are these symptoms real? Are they life-threatening? Is it just indigestion? Is it a migraine? Should I call for an ambulance? I might look stupid. Allow all the ‘what if. . .?’ thoughts to continue to fuel the panic, and produce more thoughts about things that will never happen.
Choice #3: Search Dr Google
Get our your phone or laptop and begin typing in your symptoms on Google. Fuel the panic further as you read through the life-threatening results, believing every word of them. Spend the rest of your life in and out of doctor’s surgeries, getting more frustrated and disillusioned with every visit. Make lots of trips to the hospital, seeing specialists and having tests, looking for a diagnosis that deep down you know is anxiety.
Choice #4: Fight the panic
Fight the symptoms. Have a battle with something you can never win – something that is implanted in you to keep you safe. Fight with everything you have and use up all your energy – vital energy needed to overcome the panic. Continue to beat yourself and become more and more disillusioned as you convince yourself your life will never change.
Choice #5: Accept the symptoms, stand firm, and don’t stoke the fire
Accept the symptoms. Say to yourself: ‘I recognise that I’m having a panic attack, but I also accept that these symptoms won’t last. They never have. And they’ve never done me any harm.’ Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking – that is not your worry or concern. Stand firm, and recognise that, like a bully, panic feeds off fear. Internally shout: ‘DO YOUR WORST!’, and feel the symptoms subside. Know that all the ‘what if. . .?’ thoughts serve you no purpose other than to cause you more panic. Be confident to know that when you don’t stoke the fire, panic has nothing to feed off. Smile, and thank anxiety for keeping you safe. Reassure it, and tell it, on this occasion it wasn’t needed. It was simply a false alarm. Keep doing the things and visiting the places that cause you to panic, and keep telling your brain that these things and places are OK. Watch as your anxiety and panic trigger eases each time you do it.
Which choice will you make? I like #5.
How easy is it, when somebody gets your back up, to immediately get angry and feel hateful towards her/him?
It’s an immediate natural reaction, so it’s really easy, right?
But what has harbouring anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, anxiety, stress (and any other negative emotions you can think of) ever done for you?
Nothing, except make you feel like crap.
When you allow somebody else to make you feel like crap, you’re only extending your mental pain and suffering by continuing to harbour the anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, anxiety and stress.
It’s time to let go of it – for your sake – not theirs.
If somebody does you wrong, I’m not necessarily saying you should forgive and forget. What I am saying is, for the sake of your own feelings and well-being, you should let go and move on. In other words, you should forgive but don’t forget.
If you don’t let go and move on, you’re only harbouring all those negative feelings that will continue to make you feel like crap. That means that you’re allowing whoever it is that has caused you pain to continue that pain.
You’ll be the one causing all your mental pain and suffering.
It might feel as though you have no control over these emotions at times, but anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, anxiety and stress are always a choice. I know this because these emotions always begin with a thought, and that thought is then manifested as a feeling.
You have control over what thoughts you choose to act on, and that means that you do have a choice whether or not you allow these emotions to dominate you.
How does that make you feel to know that you have a choice to feel these negative emotions, just as much as you have a choice to feel the good stuff like happiness, joy, love and contentment?
When I discovered this fact, it made me stop and think – and I’m hoping it’s doing the same for you.
By learning to let go and move on, I stopped harbouring all those negative emotions that were no good for me, which made me less frustrated, angry, anxious and stressed.
I still experience all these things – I just don’t allow them to dictate how I feel, including whether or not I’m going to have a good or bad day.
If somebody pisses me off, for example, I won’t allow the mental pain and suffering caused from that to define who I am.
People will act as they act. You have no control over that. You only have control over you – including how you choose to react and how you feel.
Dependent on the level of the suffering and pain you’ve experienced, some of you will find this harder to take on board than others – I appreciate that.
I’m not diluting the fact that anger, hate, resent, jealousy, anxiety and stress aren’t incredibly difficult to overcome. I know first-hand how difficult it is. But it still doesn’t take away from the crucial fact that these things are a choice.
When it comes to anger, hate, resent, jealousy, anxiety and stress, we prefer to look at these things as though we have no choice – like they are put on us. The biggest issue with this is we become a victim to them.
When you’re a victim of circumstance, you tell yourself that there is nothing you can do – so you continue to allow these negative emotions to dominate you. That will keep you trapped in a negative cycle, and you’ll always be a victim.
The next time you feel any of these emotions, remember that you have a choice.
To help you remember, I’ve listed the solutions as 3 A’s. These are the three things that will end your mental pain and suffering.
The first A to end your mental pain and suffering is acceptance. You could also call this A ‘Appreciation’. Like Carl Jung said: ‘What you resist persists.’ You’ll only feel the full force of something when you fight it. When you accept and appreciate something, including its reasoning and why it’s happening, it can no longer cause you further mental pain and suffering. Stop fighting whatever it is you’re fighting, and learn to let go. This doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. Letting go could mean walking away. Remember: forgive but don’t forget.
The second A to end your mental pain and suffering is attitude. An extended version of this is ‘attitude of gratitude’. It’s impossible for any negative emotion to overcome you when you are in a state of gratitude. For example, you can’t be anxious and grateful at the same time. Dock leaves grow next to stinging nettles because nature always wants to provide us with a solution. Gratitude is nature’s solution to all that is negative. Practice gratitude daily.
The third A to end your mental pain and suffering is affection. It’s probably the hardest ‘A’ of them all, but it’s also the most powerful. How can you show love or affection to somebody who might have physically or mentally abused you? How do you make friends with an emotion like anxiety and stress - emotions that might have destroyed your life for decades? How do you say ‘hello’ to somebody who has done you wrong? These are not easy questions to answer, but getting even close to the answer offers you a lot more mental freedom. Imagine the freedom behind being able to let go, move on and forgive what you hate. It’s an ‘A’ I’m still working on, so I’m pleased to be able to join you on this journey myself!
Would you let a plumber fix your boiler if they had no qualifications or experience? Not gonna happen!
If you’re not going to let somebody play around with your boiler, how do feel about your state of mind and well-being?
I recommend counselling to anybody going through a difficult period. Communicating what’s on your mind is a BIG contributor to you moving forward and getting better. It always will be. Bottling things inside and pretending things are OK only lead onto more issues, like breakdowns.
You’ve got to be able to talk, and that’s where a good counsellor comes into play.
A good counsellor will not only listen to you but also have the experience and knowledge to help guide you through your tough time.
Notice I say ‘a good counsellor’.
Like with all professions, there is good, bad, excellent, and downright shouldn’t be in that professional at all!
Like a plumber and most other professions you can think of, a counsellor could set up their own practice overnight – without any experience or qualifications. The fact that somebody calls himself a counsellor doesn’t make it so.
We can all call ourselves whatever we like – it doesn’t make it the case.
If you’re going to let a plumber loose on your boiler, you’ll want reassurance he knows what he’s doing. (A big reason why the best tradesmen come through recommendation.) If you’re going to let somebody loose on your state of mind and well-being, you should also look for reassurance that they know what they’re doing.
It’s up to you to find out what experience and qualifications a counsellor has. Don’t take it at face value.
When I was dealing with high anxiety, I met with at least four different counsellors. Some were good, and some were not so good.
In hindsight, I should have moved on from the bad ones sooner. But I didn’t. Why? I thought I was the problem. I thought, surely somebody with all that experience and all those qualifications can’t be that bad – it has to be me.
I have lots of respect for good counsellors, so I want to clarify what I mean by a ‘bad’ counsellor. Having now had the pleasure of meeting some great counsellors, I can compare them to the not so good ones.
Here are a few defining signs of a bad counsellor, including things to look out for.
Guilt trips. Lack of confidence. Wanting to please others.
Just a few of the reasons why we end up saying YES to doing favours, working overtime and doing things we don’t want to do – even when we know we should say NO.
You’re a nice person. Nothing wrong with that. But if you find yourself saying yes to everything you’re asked, it won’t be long before the misery kicks in.
You’ll be burnt out, depressed, skint and desperate before you know it!
Here are five things to start saying NO to more often. When you say NO to these things more often, you’ll find you’ll take back control and your life will be much more bearable.
1. Other people’s BS
People will bring you great joy. But if you let them, they’ll bring you a lot of shit too! It’s time to start saying no to their BS. If they want to bring their toxic behaviour and drama into your life, say ‘NO’. Cut it out without hesitation. Let them know that you will no longer suffer fools lightly. They’ll soon get the message, and your life will be much better off for it. The next time the gossip comes up, or somebody is chewing your ear off with negativity, cut it out.
2. Constant favours
As I mentioned - being a nice person is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do nice things. But it does put you at risk of being taken advantage of. If somebody calls you at 1 am in the morning asking you to give them a lift home from partying all night, it won’t be long before they’re calling you at 4 am. Everybody has to have boundaries, including you. The next time the call comes in, say ‘NO’. The same goes for any favours that go beyond being reasonable including giving away your two most valuable assets: your time and money.
3. Being in places you don’t want to be
Life is way too short to put up with doing things you don’t want to do, including going places you don’t want to go. I’m not talking about being ignorant or selfish. Sometimes we’ve got to do things we’re not happy with – it’s all part of having good relationships. But if you find yourself constantly being in places you don’t want to be, hanging around with people you don’t like, say ‘NO’.
4. Going to a dead-end job
If you work full-time, you’ll be spending most of your life at that job. If you absolutely hate your job with a passion, it basically means you hate your life. When it comes to work, including toxic bosses and dead-end jobs, there is always a better option. Say ‘NO’, and explore what your options are further. If you’re feeling stuck, The Less-Stress Lifestyle will help.
5. Living in the past
Living in the past is causing you serious, unnecessary stress and anxiety. I know this because when we live in the past, it’s usually because of negative reasons. If your childhood was messed up, you made a mistake, or you regret something you did, it’s time to let go of the past and say ‘NO’ to it. Move forward with the lessons you learnt, and don’t allow the past to haunt you. The trick here is to learn from the past because if you don’t, you’ll keep making the same mistakes you always have.
There’s nothing like sitting down and watching a decent film.
I like to take something away from every film I watch. I believe there is a message, hidden or otherwise, in all decent films.
If you haven’t switched the film off in the first few minutes because it’s rubbish, you’ll get something out of it. A lot of what you get depends on your mood, how you feel at the time, and what you’re looking for.
Here’s what I learnt from my top five films (in order of my favourite first).
#1 – The Matrix
What is there not to love about The Matrix? Putting aside all the Kung Fu and bullet dodging (which, don’t get me wrong, is brilliant), there is a serious message going on. For me, that message is quite simply: Wake the f*ck up! You are part of a system. If you allow that system to control you, it will. If you don’t take control of your life, you will drift. You will just survive, rather than thrive. To make changes in your life, you have to get educated and become aware. If you want improvements in your lifestyle, begin by getting educated. You can have more if you want it, but first, you have to wake up.
#2 – Terminator 2
I’ll also include the first Terminator film here. (Terminator 3 – not your best one, Arnie.) With the rise of AI (Artificial Intelligence), who knows – the machines may well take over one day. But that’s not the defining message I got from the film. The message I got is about dealing with toxic people. This is what Kyle Reese says when he’s warning Sarah Connor about the Terminator: ‘Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop.’ Some toxic people in life are the same, and you should avoid them just as much as you would the Terminator.
#3 – The Wolf of Wall Street
Leonardo DiCaprio does an amazing job of playing a hedonistic drug addict. His outstanding performance is equalled by how good the film is. Anyhow – I’m not writing a film review – so back to the message. The Wolf of Wall Street perfectly sums up the fact that money will only ever get you so far. It’s a short-term view to think you can do what the hell you like for a few years and not have any consequences. At the risk of sounding like a complete killjoy, most things in life are OK in moderation, but what you’re doing today is shaping your future. As well as thinking about what you’re going to do today, start planning for the next five years. Otherwise, the future might not be so bright.
#4 – Catch Me If You Can
Another Leonardo DiCaprio film on my list – and what a cracker it is. Frank Abagnale (the con man Leonardo plays) fooled everybody – to the point of becoming a fake co-pilot, lawyer and doctor – all before his 18th birthday! (This is a true story!) The message? For me, a positive one. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Do you think Frank cared about the fact he might get rejected? Do you think he allowed the fear of people to hold him back? Not in the slightest. Although a lot of what he did was immoral, there’s a lot to be learnt and admired from what he did. The level of freedom you can get from not caring about what people think is immense. It helps you achieve pretty much anything you want, as demonstrated perfectly by Frank Abagnale.
#5 – Drop Dead Fred
I grew up as a Rik Mayall (Bottom) addict. He made me cackle just as much in Drop Dead Fred when he played an imaginary childhood friend to a miserable kid. Part of her misery was her control freak, OCD led mother, who was affectionately known as ‘The Megabeast’. So the first lesson – if you’re a parent putting too much pressure on your kids, you might also have an interesting nickname. The second lesson from the film is not to let the kid in you die. Life is serious enough. Don’t ever forget your humour. It shouldn’t take an imaginary friend you had as a kid to come back into your adult life to remind you. You can start having more fun today. It is a choice, and you don’t have to wait. What would the kid inside you do? Sometimes it’s worth paying attention to him or her – especially when anxiety and stress is biting.
When stress mounts up, it feels like a never-ending flow of one problem after the other!
If it’s allowed to, stress continues to grow until it gets to a point where we feel like we can’t cope. That’s when we walk around feeling as though a ton of bricks is on our back.
It doesn’t matter who you are. Nobody is immune to stress - no matter how strong, organised or capable you think you are.
Stress can hit anybody at any time.
Here are three things you can do to immediately stop the flow of stress pouring in – and protect yourself against it better in the future.
1. Take immediate control
We get stressed when we feel out of control. As soon as we feel like we’ve taken back control, the feeling of stress and anxiety subsides. That’s why taking immediate control of whatever it is causing you stress is the best way to deal with it. It’s also the reason why stress will quickly get out of control if you let it. Don’t sweep your problems under the rug. Those bills you put in the drawer aren’t going anywhere. Although you might get some short-term relief by pretending your problems don’t exist, the long-term effects are potentially a lot worse. A lot of stress and anxiety can be avoided when we get brave and deal with our challenges head-on by taking immediate control.
2. Break it down
The quickest way to deal with any problem is to break it down. When a giant problem hits your desk, your doormat or your phone, it will feel daunting. You’ll think to yourself: ‘How the hell am I going to manage this!’ By focusing on the BIG problem or challenge at hand, you’ll convince yourself that it’s impossible – and that’s when we feel like we can’t cope. Forget about the BIG issue for now. Instead, break whatever it is you need to do down into small pieces. Think about the next small step that you can take, and focus on that. When you get that done, you’ll go onto the next thing, and then the next – and like a snowball effect, your challenge is getting easier at every step – until you look back and all of a sudden, it’s done.
3. Stay on top
‘Staying on top of things’ is a commonly used saying, but have you stopped and thought about why we say it? What comes to mind when you think about being on top of things? It feels like you’re in control and dominant, doesn’t it? Imagine feeling like this from this moment forward. Imagine a life where you knew you could handle anything that came your way. The truth is, there is only one thing stopping you from feeling like this, and that is you. In other words, you can decide from this moment forward that you can handle anything that comes your way – and there is no reason why it’s not the truth. You’ve got through 100% of your challenges and problems so far, so what’s stopping you from knowing you can get through 100% more? Keep reinforcing this knowledge and belief, and you’ll stay on top.
From time to time, low mood hits all of us - some of us more often than others.
There are different levels of low mood, from having a bad day (which happens to us all) to the very extremes of contemplating suicide.
However you’re feeling right now, I want you to know that you always have options. There isn’t a situation or scenario that can’t be changed.
If you are even close to thinking about giving up, or you feel as though your low mood will never lift, I want you to consider these four important points.
Chester Bennington and Robin Williams appeared to have it all. Fame, fortune, family – everything that we perceive you could desire. But it wasn’t enough. They ended their lives by committing suicide. All the material possessions and money in the world doesn’t mean anything unless you’re filling the gap within you. And that gap is everything to do with your purpose. When you’re being true to yourself, you’ll discover what it is that drives you – that is your purpose. When you have purpose, you have everything to live for. Having purpose will lift your low mood much quicker, and feeling down won’t affect you as often. If you’re feeling stuck and struggling to find your purpose, a good start is to help others.
In some cases, when you feel as though your low mood has been around for ages, it’s easy to believe that it’s never going to go away. You feel as though your life will never get better, and you end up settling for the fact that things will never improve. But the fact is, low mood is temporary, however long it is. Just like problems – all problems are temporary. Remember that tomorrow is a new day – a new opportunity to do and be something different. You’ve already got through 100% of your problems. That means you’ve already proven your strength. Use this strength to remind yourself that how you feel right now isn’t fixed, and it can change if you want it to.
It’s time to beat away those grey clouds, and one of the quickest ways you can do it is by getting your focus right. When we’re feeling low, we focus on everything that is bad. When you consider that you’re going to get more of whatever it is you focus on, you appreciate that this is the reason you end up going around in a cycle of misfortune and bad luck. Ditch the ‘what ifs . . .’, and focus on the things you can control – the things that are going to push your life forward, and not hold you back with false beliefs. Focus on the things that count, like your goals and hobbies.
The cherry on top of all of these points is action. The one thing that took me out of feeling like shit is action. Plain and simple. If it weren’t for me taking action, I’d still be lying in bed anxious, worried and stressed about all the ‘what ifs . . .’. Taking action was the one thing that got me out of the mire. It started with me making a choice: either stay as I am or take action and do something about it. Taking action doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. It can be something small. The main thing is that you just take action, because like a snowball effect, it will lead to more action. Before you know it, your low mood (depression) no longer affects you the way it did previously. You’ll still have bad days (there is no getting over that – everybody does), but they will be fewer and far between.
Listen to my podcast on Getting Over Feeling Low.
ANXIETY REBALANCE COURSE
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