Why do us blokes struggle so much to come to terms with anxiety?
Why do we bottle anxiety up, and make it much worse by not talking about it?
Why do we rarely say what’s really on our minds?
To get the answers, we need to take a look at what makes a man ‘a man’.
Let’s start with some male public figures regarded as the most attractive men.
James Bond (Any of them)
Some of these names date back a while - and some are more recent. (Teens will be like ‘Who the hell is Cary Grant?’) But they all have particular things in common, and it’s these things that give us the answers to the above questions.
What do you think when you see this list of names?
The first thing that comes to mind is how these guys are ‘Mr Cool’ type figures.
He basically comes across like he doesn’t give a shit about anything.
He has charm, charisma, and effortless coolness.
He doesn’t appear to be flustered, never panics, or looks anxious. You could spill a drink on his jacket, and he would look up nonchalantly, tell you not to worry, take it off and look better in his shirt.
He puts out fires, rescues cats, and makes love to three different women – all in the space of 24hrs.
It’s the ‘never panics or looks anxious’ part that answers the questions best.
As a man, being anxious is looked upon as uncool – unmacho like.
That’s why, on the face of it, the way these guys portray themselves is the way to be as a ‘real man’. That’s why these Mr Cool’s are placed as icons - for all of us blokes to admire and aspire to.
BUT WE’RE FORGETTING SOMETHING – SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT
We see all the good bits, but what we don’t see is the major flaw.
These guys look like they have it all.
Charm and charisma.
Bags of confidence.
Who wouldn’t want all this?
But there is a price for all this. A big price.
Acting like you have no emotion and like nothing bothers you might appear cool on the outside - like the way to be as an attractive guy and someone to aspire to - but it’s emotionally crippling.
Mr Cools are always on high alert not to drop the ball when it comes to their appearance of being ‘strong’.
Crying in public is shameful. Telling someone you feel vulnerable is weak. Being anxious and showing nerves will wreck the Mr Cool persona.
The downfall to all of this is we do have emotions.
Even the most macho of male has to cry. It’s healthy.
The ability to cry and get anxious is built in us all for a reason. It’s not just reserved for females. If we didn’t need it, evolution would have seen to it that we get rid of it. But it’s still there, and it’s there for good reason.
You can’t bottle emotions up like they don’t exist.
They do exist. And if you bottle them up, it’s only a matter of time before the container can’t take it anymore, and it explodes.
Plus, bottling things up always make them seem a hundred times worse than they are.
What we don’t see is the emotional breakdowns Mr Cool guys have. We don’t see them crying behind the bathroom door because they can’t show others how they truly feel.
Being Mr Cool is overrated.
It might get you the ladies, and men might look at you enviously, but all this is pointless if you’re crying yourself to sleep.
Play Mr Hot instead of Mr Cool.
Mr Hot is in touch with how he feels. He is as much emotionally intelligent as he is smart.
He might not put out fires and rescue cats all day, but he knows, if he had to, he could. He’s smart because he’d rather call in the professionals than burn his hands off to look cool.
Mr Hot knows the true definition of ‘strong’.
He knows that being strong doesn’t mean he has to hold back his tears when he feels emotional. He knows that his ability to demonstrate his emotion, no matter who might be present, is the strongest sign of them all.
Mr Hot will tell you when he’s made a mistake, and will happily hold his hands up – rather than pretend he’s perfect and never makes mistakes. This lack of perfectionism means he can forgive and be lenient when he needs to be – rather than feel like he needs to be an angry and strong man who doesn’t take any shit by putting up a macho front.
And most important of all, Mr Hot doesn’t mind being anxious.
He doesn’t try to mask his anxiety and pretend that it’s not there. He knows that anxiety is a healthy part of life. He plays with it. Laughs with it.
By being at ease with anxiety, he’s comfortable communicating how he feels. Things don’t bottle up inside until he can’t take them anymore. He can sleep easy at night with a clear mind and conscience.
He is as fulfilled emotionally as he is mentally and physically.
Be Mr Hot.
Due to our macho front, it’s unlikely your bloke will read this. But if you have any clue that a man in your life might be suffering from anxiety, get them to give this a read.
Don’t worry about them quickly dismissing your idea, and telling you that you’re stupid for even suggesting it. They might take a peek later when you’re not looking.
Oh, and BTW – go for Mr Hot. Mr Cool is overrated.
ANXIETY REBALANCE COURSE
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