Ending a relationship (toxic or not), whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member or somebody close to you, is never easy.
You’ll go through a whole raft of emotions. These emotions will bring up lots of questions. One of the biggest questions being: Am I making the right choice?
Only you can answer this question, and the answer will be based on your personal experience, the person, and the situation you’re currently going through.
Here are four questions to ask yourself when you’re deciding whether or not to end a relationship - to help you decide if you’re making (or have made) the right choice.
1. Can you forgive them for what they’ve done?
If you can’t forgive them, it’s likely you’ll end up demonstrating toxic behaviour yourself. For example, you might become resentful, spiteful and hateful towards them. This type of atmosphere isn’t good for anybody. If you can’t leave the past where it is, there is no moving forward. All good relationships are based on growth, and if there is no chance of growth, it’s hard to move forward.
2. Are you sad when you’re not with them?
Ending a relationship will leave a hole in anybody’s life, but is your life worse when they’re not around? Or are you just with them because you’re lonely? Understanding the reasons you have the person in your life will help you decide if the relationship has a strong foundation. In other words, if you’re only with the person because you’re lonely, that is the type of weak foundation that will cause the relationship to collapse.
3. Does it hurt your pride to think you have to make the first move?
Are you fed up having to be the one who always makes the first move? Do you always have to be the first to apologise? Pride has no place in a decent relationship, and feeling this way is a strong indication that the relationship isn’t right. If you’re resentful of the fact that you always have to make the first move, is it because the other person doesn’t care or consider your feelings? Relationships are a two-way street. If only one of you cares, a relationship won’t work.
4. Are you less or more effective without them?
How stressed do they make you feel? Do they make you feel insecure, anxious, guilty or unloved? Or do you lack motivation and get-up-and-go when they’re not around? No relationship is perfect. All relationships will have their faults, including plenty of ups and downs. If somebody keeps you motivated and on the right track, the positives you get from that should outweigh a lot of the negative stuff. If you lack motivation and get-up-and-go when they’re not around, maybe they are (were) better for you than you thought?
These questions were taken from my book, Expect Change.
ABOUT CARL VERNON
Carl Vernon is a best-selling author & speaker, talking and writing about all things anxiety, stress & well-being.